Learn To Love 101 - Helping You Have Better Relationships and Families

Welcome to the Learn To Love Website. I hope that you will find the information herein useful. I started this site because relationships are the most important investments we could make but they are what we take for granted the most. True love does exist. But to the dismay of a microwave mentality generation, true love takes a lot of effort and a lot of time investment. Most people don't want to take the time to develop a solid foundation on which they can build a future. "Beach front" relationships are the common thing now...they look good on the outside, perhaps even very expensive, but in reality their foundation is shaky. One strong storm and the relationship is in shambles. How do we break the cycle of unfruitful relationships and failing love? It's simple...Learn To Love

Question of the Month:
This month's question comes from Twinkie in Houston.

"Is there anything wrong with wanting the guy to solidify the relationship? Often times, the guy gets comfortable with simply hanging out and doing the things of a relationship, but not really specifying that he wants to be in a relationship with you. Too many times, the female gets hurt assuming that she is in a committed relationship because of the 'hanging out and spending time,' only to later discover that he never saw her in that role, let alone himself. So back to my question...is there something wrong with wanting the guy to pop the age old question 'Will you be my girlfriend? Check the box...yes or no.'"

Thank you Ms. Twinkie for your question.

The short answer to your question is "no, there is nothing wrong with that." However, if a woman wants that from a man then she should have pre-determined boundaries that won't allow her to do certain things or share certain things until he has met certain requirements, i.e. asking to be exclusive. Men, and people in general, only do what you allow them to do. I believe it is a common mistake to assume relationship commitment based on anything other than explicitly saying "We are together." However, not everyone believes that is required. It is not all on the man to define things because he is not the master of her feelings. So if she starts to have stronger feelings then she needs to let him know where she is and that she needs him to share where he is. He does not have to initiate the discussion. It would be ideal if people just knew what we wanted, what we thought and how we felt all the time. The reality is that more times than not it won't be that way. Do not put someone else in charge of YOUR decisions. If he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend and you believe things are too foggy, make a choice.

Another reality is this: As much as women would like for all men to know certain things and as much as men would like for all women to know certain things, there are some things that one or the other simply doesn't know. While it may seem like common sense to one person, it may not even be an option, because of ignorance, to another. My point is, don't always assume that because someone doesn't do what you think is "normal" that they are not worth your time or attention. They may not be worth your time, but make sure you have gathered adequate information to make that decision. He may not know she wants him to ask because he's never asked before. That's doesn't mean he doesn't want commitment. She may not know that he wants her to ask him to come over because she may be thinking if she asks him over he will think bad of her. We all have different experiences that have shaped us to be who we are. So at the end of the day, the key concept is "effective communication." Be encouraged.